we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
