you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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