Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
