My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
