honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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