Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
