She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
