I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
