only you would photoshop your dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
