we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
