12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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