I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
