i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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