I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
