i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
