I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
