I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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