don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
