Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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