How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
