hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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