You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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