so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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