ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
