Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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