Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
