you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
