The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
