unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
