i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
