I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if only i could text you this smell
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
cat food counts as protein by the way
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
