just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
