I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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