he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
