one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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