omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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