we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
