I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
