I hate your face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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