you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
