Your dad touched me again.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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