My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
