oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
