I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and she was petting her beer can
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
