ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
