i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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