Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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