So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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