she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
