Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you would pick up someone in the library
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
